There has been an unforeseen shift my life as of late. I cannot really explain it as anything besides the work of God in my life. I never really thought that I would get to this place in my life. I feel like I always need to include a disclaimer that it does not mean that everything is going great in my life. Quite honestly, not everything is going good. In fact, besides the fact that I feel an actual change in me, everything else in my life is exactly the same. Moreover, I know that I have a lot of growth left to grow. I know that I will be continuing to grow and learn until I die, well, perhaps even after I die. This is incredibly exciting.
It is the end of the semester. By that, I mean I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. For tunnel, read: semester. I could not really see the end before yesterday. Before yesterday, my To-Do list was this huge black cloud that was hovering over my head. The black cloud has cleared a little and the To-Do list on my computer is completely crossed off. It is a joyous feeling. However, I am trying to find more joy in my life. I want my joy to move past merely situations into a deeper part. I want joy to go right down to the core of my person. I want to find my joy in Christ.
My happiness, on the other hand, is suffering. There are a lot of things in my life that I am not really happy about. However, I am trying to learn how to deal with things. I want other people to be happy. It is just, well, it is tough sometimes. I know that at the deepest part, it all stems out of me. I need to learn to be content with where I am in life. I need to learn to find my worth in Christ, not in situations. So, I guess that makes it two things that I am working on: finding joy in Christ and finding my worth in Christ.
It is a process. I am learning. I am struggling. But I know that through learning and struggling, I am also growing.
Praise be to the God who is in control of my life.