I am going to be single forever.
There, I said it. I knew you were all thinking it. Even if you weren’t thinking it, I was thinking it enough for the both of us. Let me just be completely honest, it is not easy being single all the time. Maybe I will send myself a card for Valentine’s Day. (Blugh. Valentine’s Day.) It is very tough sometimes when everyone around you has a person to talk to, to text, a person wishing them a good day. On the bright side, at least I have my mother to call. Hello, pathetic. Here’s why being pathetic is actually becoming okay with me.
First of all, even though there are plenty of times when I wish I had someone, I know that happiness does not come from being in a relationship. I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work. If there is anything that I have learned from my last relationship, it is that what you think will bring you happiness will never make you happy apart from God. My last boyfriend fit the list of everything that I thought I wanted. Dark hair. Plays guitar. Loves Jesus. Could build a kitchen cabinet. When I actually was dating him, I was not happy. Looking back at that time in my life, I can see that my relationship with Christ was not where it should have been. I was not growing closer to Christ. I was not deepening my faith.
My list now of “what I am looking for” looks a lot different. Actually, I shared my list with my home youth group. It contains five things: first of all, I am looking for someone who can quote Paul. Not just quote bible verses, but I want someone who has hid God’s Word in his heart and when he speaks about it, it flows out in this passionate way. Second, I want someone who inspires me to become a better person. Third, I want someone who is actively pursuing a relationship in Christ, becoming more and more like Christ every day. Four, I was someone who will always put God before me. Lastly, I want someone who has no preference of what he want his kitchen to look like because I already have that all planned out. None of this “dark hair, play guitar” stuff. I don’t really care about that. And you know what? Even if I found someone who fits my “list,” none of that would ever make me happy if I don’t first find my joy in Christ.
Even if I am “called to be like Paul” and be single forever, I think I would become okay with that. My joy can only be found in Christ. My identity can only be found in Christ. Not in a relationship. Not in a person, unless that person is Christ. So, you may call it pathetic, but I think I will stick with calling it being smart.