Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. Now don’t get me wrong, birthdays are great. I just have never liked my birthday. I think the last birthday I really enjoyed was my fourteenth when I got my driver’s permit. I mean, I still remember what I wear each of my birthdays. Birthdays always feel like more of a letdown than anything. Maybe it stems out of not liking attention being drawn to myself too much. Maybe it stems out of the fact that I probably need counseling. I’m not really sure, but I don’t particularly like my birthday. Ever.

It didn’t help knowing that this year would be my first birthday that I was away from my family. Not spending my birthday with my mother and brother doesn’t seem right. So, Wednesday night, driving home from youth group, I found myself in my car, crying. I didn’t want to be here and I felt pretty alone. I wanted my birthday to pass and pretend like I was just already twenty without having a birthday.

Luckily, I am constantly finding that I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. I am always surprised. The person I was staying with baked me a cake. I got to work and my cubicle was decorated with balloons and pictures of confetti fish. Even though I ended up working about ten hours, it was a good day. How could it not be a good day when it involved one of my coworkers wearing a gift bag on her head because we ran out of birthday hats? Then after work, another friend took me to Starbucks (can I just say those cake pop things are heaven on earth?) and we watched a movie at her apartment.

It was a good day. Like most birthdays, I don’t feel older or much different. I am no longer a teenager, which doesn’t make me feel old (though I think it makes my mom feel old). I feel pretty young. Twenty to me feels like youthful adult is beginning. Plus, it is an even number and even numbers always beat odd. Don’t you agree? But mostly I’m finding that life doesn’t begin at a certain moment or age, life begins right now. We need to celebrate the big moments, but we need to celebrate the everyday accomplishments and joys.

Hello, twenty. Nice to meet you.

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