Functioning

There reaches a point where I am no longer able to function. (Have I ever told you about my three stages of tiredness? One, hyper and giddy. Two, unable to function. Three, tears like a waterfall as the slightest hiccup. It’s all truth—just ask Levi.) Anyway, I think I keep reaching this point over and over again lately. I have been working too long, staring at a computer screen too long, and not talking to my mom on the phone nearly enough. I enjoy work, but leaving when it is pitch black outside, I like that a little less. Part of me thinks I could just bring a sleeping bag and camp out here. When I leave, basically the only thing that I want to do is fall over anyway, so why not just save myself some gasoline?

I am sure there are a lot of ways in which real life is different than a novel, but I’ve found that I enjoy reading books that are about life. I read a lot of Anne Lamott and Donald Miller because they write about life. I don’t mean the all-put-together-pie-cooling-in-the-window life. I mean the life where you’re honest, almost too honest. The life where you’re ready to yell at someone but feel convicted and buy them flowers and they aren’t grateful. In fact, they’re kind of just like, whatever about it. That’s more like life. I love hearing people’s stories. But most of all, I love that I’m living a story. I love that I don’t know what will happened next and that the more I learn, the more I find I don’t know very much at all.

I think there is a lot of truth to the fact that we must live into the people we want to become. Life is all about growth, it is about struggling and transitioning to a better version of yourself. Constantly. I mean, everything about the stages of life tells us that it is about growth. “You are a different person than you were in February,” writes Donald Miller about a conversation he had with a friend who studied how humans change in a year and overtime. I am very much so a different person than I was in February. I mean, right now, there’s a person that now makes me laugh, when in February I probably would have rather punched him. I don’t really know what happens next. I don’t have it all planned. And, right now, I’m kind of enjoying that.

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