French Toast

I have moved back to college. Classes start tomorrow, though I’ve only got one 8:00 class tomorrow and then I’m done for the day. I’m looking forward to returning to being so busy I don’t have time to breath, but I’m not quite there yet.

It is weird to think that summer is over. This has been a weird summer. Obviously more eventful than last summer, but this summer has left me in a different place. It has given me a different perspective. I am starting my junior year of college and my lack of excitement scares me. (Though my lack of excitement for classes is made up for by my over-excitement for new Sharpie pens. Kind of.) I’m living with my same roommate but also with three other people that I don’t know that well and certainly don’t feel like I fit in with. Change is in the back of my mind. That nothing is ever going to be the same. I’m going to constantly have to get used to the fact that change can happen at the drop of a hat. It scares me rather than excites me. I’ve never been one to enjoy that “pit in the stomach” experienced in moments of change or rollercoasters.

I’m haunted by a truth I cannot ignore: the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. I hate that life is complicated. Don’t get me wrong, I want to put large metal chickens outside your door whenever there are fights about towels or whatever other fill-in-the-blank things there could be fights about. I want to make French toast more than anything in the world. But life is more complicated than French toast. Life is more like Chinese hand-pulled noodles.

At any rate, I’m back at college getting lectures from my roommate about my life choices while she is still mourning a great loss. She is hanging up pictures only to have them fall down at night and hang them back up again. And maybe that’s what life is about. So what if it is Chinese hand-pulled noodles and not French toast. Even if we have to put up pictures over and over again, I think it is all worth it. I’m probably a broken record, but I don’t really care. Some things in life are worth fighting for.

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