A lot of the time, I am asking the wrong questions. What is God trying to teach me through this? I don’t know if that’s the right question, but I ask it anyway.
I guess I can’t really jump into heaven and determine the motives of God, but I think God knows that if I were in a serious relationship right now that led to marriage (like so many of my peers—especially my peers at a Christian university where a “ring by spring” is falsely promised each upcoming freshman), I would have wasted my singleness. I have read plenty of articles about not wasting your single years, about how it is an important and valuable time to grow who you are and build your identity.
I remember reading a line in “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris about “hustling while you wait.” Now it isn’t like I’ve kissed dating goodbye, but I do need to recognize that this is a season of my life where I need to hustle while I wait. I’m giving this time to God. I’m giving these single years to God.
Now it may be discouraging because I feel like I’ve said these same words before and I’ve done this before. I should be stronger by now. But, let me tell you: it is a process. It isn’t an easy process. But if you asked me if I look more like Christ this year than last year, I would be able to tell you yes. I obviously have a long way to go yet, but I’m growing and learning more each day.
I’m wasting my single years if all I am doing is sitting around on Friday night thinking about how alone I am. Yeah, I’m still a homebody (represent!) and watched 48 Hours Mystery alone on my couch last night, but even though I was alone last night, I was not lonely.
I don’t know much and I don’t have it all figured out, but I am learning more each day about what is mine to hold onto (God, family) and what is not mine to hold (basically everything else). Sometimes I pick things back up and I am learning to give them back to God each time I pick them up.
God’s timing is God’s timing. I am going to make the most of my days right now. Life does not begin whenever I enter a relationship. I’m a valuable woman of God today. This isn’t a “someday” thing.
In the meantime, I do not need to settle for less than what God has for me. God made us for relationship. We search and long for it. So there will be harder days and days I don’t feel like jumping around and days where I just want to cry, but then there are days when I am right where I am supposed to be: in the arms of God.
God’s arms are never too short and His grace is never too far away from where I am.