Relient K sings one of my favorite Christmas songs, Merry Christmas, Here’s to Many More. Upon listening to the words, it has got me thinking about this year.
I made it through the year and I did not even collapse; Gotta say, “Thank God, for that.”
This has been an interesting year. I have learned a lot. Honestly, it has been a pretty tough year. I have had a lot of people who are really close to me go through some really difficult things. Deaths, divorces, car accidents, depressions, really, I feel as though the list could go on. But, weaved throughout everything has been hope. It’s with that hope that I have made it through the year. It is really only through God that I have made it. I have to admit, I am extremely blessed. I can only thank God for that. For every story I have this year, God gets all the glory.
I’m torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half. I’ll fall apart or stay intact.
A lot of this year I have spent feeling as though I am in the balance. I have felt as though I have been between the jump and where I am landing. There have been times where I have felt like just falling apart. Retreating seems like the easiest thing to do. Giving up. Throwing in the towel. Sometimes there are things to fight about and fight for (and towels are not one of them). There are things that keep me whole: God, family, friends. There are things that tear me in half: breakups, falling short, loss of friendships. However, I know each time I am facing a situation where I feel like I will never see the light again, I always manage to survive. Not just that, but I come out stronger. Sometimes I come out fighting, but mostly I come out realizing it was never my fight to begin with.
With tired eyes I stumble back to bed. I need to realize my sorry life’s not hanging by a thread.
I tend to overreact sometimes. I get dramatic over things that I do not need to be getting dramatic over. It is exhausting. But I do it to myself. I stress over things that just suck up my energy. It wears me out. But I do it to myself sometimes. I need to realize that my life is not hanging by a thread. Things end up working out in ways I never could have imagined. Things I put my hope in fall apart. But then other things end up being even better than I could have ever planned.
So look at me now. It’s finally Christmas and I’m home.
It is Christmas tomorrow and I am home. I guarantee you there is no place I would rather be. I will be flying to Thailand for two weeks soon (Tuesday morning). But right now, for Christmas, I am here. I am fully here. Look at me. I have made it through the year. I am better than I was a year ago. I am so much better. I am not a different person by any means, but I am more me than I was a year ago. I don’t know if that really even makes sense. But I don’t care. I’m home, and I love it.
Head indoors, to get out of this weather. And I don’t know how, but the closest friends I’ve ever known are all inside, singing together. Singing merry Christmas, here’s to many more.
Yesterday was a great day. I got to see my best guy friend. He has had a rough year especially. It is always good to see him. I know this time of year is going to be hard for him, but his family will be going to spend Christmas with him. We got to spend a little part of the morning together. For that, I am grateful. Then, my mom and I had coffee with my Pastor and his wife. They have been such a blessing in my life that words cannot even begin to describe it. Last night, I got together with my friends from high school. I am really not good at keeping in touch, but lately, we have been getting together to catch up and giggle like old times. It is really great to get together, because I really believe that we have each grown a lot through the past couple of years.
It always hurt to be all by myself this time of year—a cold and lonely Christmas Eve. And living out my days alone, well, that had been my deepest fear. But you promised you won’t leave. I look towards the east and see a star. Jesus Christ, it has blessed my life to know just who you are. You are my hope.
I don’t think it is just the Christmas tree glowing that is making me get all mushy, nor is it the Egg Nog, because Egg Nog is gross. I am truly blessed. Sometimes I don’t step back and realize that enough. I have a family who loves me, even though my brother gets annoyed with how much hair I leave in the shower. I know he still loves me. This year I’ve learned that real family never leaves you. Real family is there no matter what. I know I don’t make it easy on my mom, what with me always leaving the country and not standing still ever, but I am blessed to have her in my life. I know she supports me. And I know that I have no idea what I would do without her. God has blessed me beyond all that I could have ever asked for or imagined.
Deck the halls with mistletoe. May all your heavy burdens go up the chimney in a cloud of smoke. The fire’s burning bright, strike up the band and play the tune, ‘cause Christmas will be here and soon you’ll hear our song in every room, this merry Christmas night.
We are together. Let’s rejoice for that. Tomorrow will have its struggles, but for right now, let’s enjoy being together. Let’s enjoy that Christ came into our mess to save us. Let’s breath in deeply the smell of apple cider and know that we are not alone.
Singing merry Christmas, here’s to many more.