Ashes

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.

But today I feel broken and empty.

Lent is our time to repent, to prepare ourselves for death. Lent is our journey toward our resurrected selves and toward our God, who makes all things new. God will send that which satisfies.

But this Christian season is a morbid parallel to my life. I am empty because I have cried so much that my eye skin just burns. It burns, but I do not mind the pain; it lets me feel something when I feel nothing. My family is also preparing for a death.

Forty days. We don’t have forty more days with my grandma; we have no idea how many we have left. But we have forty days to be reminded that Christ has conquered death.

We are Noah and the rain is falling.

We are Moses on the mountain with God.

We are the Israelites in the wilderness.

Lent is our journey from one place to another. We leave behind our Sodom and Gomorrah. We give up more than chocolate or coffee; we give up our old selves. This brokenness we experience is being restored. Lent reminds us that God is a God who redeems and renews.

We were created for more than this life. We were created for more than we have settled for. We hunger but it is not for food. We cannot be strengthened and sustained by anything of our own, only by the One who came to be our strength and our sustainer.

I’m broken and breaking more, but my God sees the cracks and says, “In forty days…”

I don’t know what tomorrow will hold, but I know God keeps his promises. I know that my grandma will be able to taste this new life soon.

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