Coffee Stains

My roommate will want to throw things at me for admitting it, but I’m wearing my ex-boyfriend’s old white v-neck t-shirt. I know, I should let it go.

Right before we boarded our last flight, I spilled coffee on the shirt. And, really, there’s only so much a Tide To-Go pen can do. I mean, let’s be real. And yeah, eventually I’ll be able to wash it. When I get home, I could even bleach the spot out. But when it comes the time, shouldn’t I just let it go?

My favorite thing about this boy was that he didn’t have a Facebook account, so I couldn’t creep on him. But then he got a Facebook account to help promote his band. Great. It was bad enough I have never been able to forget this phone number.

Recently he had a Facebook status hinting he is with someone else. (I thought it might be a song lyric, but I googled it and came up with nothing.) I look down on the now coffee-stained shirt, and I think I should just let it go.

I once met with one of my professors once about the anger I felt toward my father. My professor advised me to write a letter of everything I wanted to tell my father and then set a match to it to let it go. I didn’t do it until months after, and when I actually sat down, I didn’t feel like I had all that much to say.

When I spilled coffee on his shirt, I didn’t think about throwing it away, I thought about lighting a match to the sucker. But I don’t need to burn his shirt (or his Harley hat—though I’ve thought about it). I need to finally let go.

I remember reading once that it takes a week for every three months you were with a person to truly get over them. I am not sure you can put a timeline like that on something like that. But it’s been a year since his first text to me.

The entire relationship was like those children’s toys where you put a shape through its coordinating shape hole. Only he was a triangle and I was a circle.

Now I’m about to admit something embarrassing: I think part of me is annoyed that he is the only guy I’ve dated that hasn’t at some point wanted me back. It’s not like I’m all that awesome, but kinda.

Part of the reason I applied for this trip was because the relationship ended and I felt all this sort of new found freedom. But I don’t have freedom if I am still holding onto him.

I know God is going to show and teach me some incredible things on this trip. God is going to work in amazing ways in my life this summer.

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