Sometimes, as a single person, it is easy to feel like others are passing you by. It feels like they are moving forward in their lives, but it feels like you are stagnant. However, one then needs to reminded that life does not begin when you are married. Life begins now. Actually, your life began years and years ago.
Still, it’s not always easy.
When I was getting ready to leave for college, my church prayed for me. That was such a blessed time, and it reminded me how grateful I am to have a church that loves and supports me. However, in one specific prayer for me as I entered college, she prayed I found find a husband. I mean, it wasn’t worded exactly like that, but that was the main point. And I know her heart in that prayer was good.
It was, however, four years ago.
Did God not hear her prayer? Why did I graduate from a university I’m partly convinced is the highest population of people making “ring by spring” jokes without any rings? (Seriously–not even Ring Pops.)
Trusting God in the middle of this season requires me to trust that God’s in control. It also requires something else: I need to trust God loves me. I need to trust I have worth and value. I didn’t graduate still single because I wasn’t good enough. I am good enough. We must love ourselves.
Of course, don’t forget: we are also to love our neighbor. I think it’s easy to focus so much on being single that we forget there’s plenty to do in the meantime. We have time to serve others, so we should take advantage of this time. We should focus less on ourselves and all our needs, and we should start learning how to focus on others. Christ modeled for us selflessness, and we should look for opportunities to give of ourselves.
I think we can too easily (as single people) buy into the idea that everything will be better if I’m in a serious relationship or married. This is false. From what I’ve heard, marriage is work. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
I’ll continue to blog about this area because it’s simply the season in my life. Below you will find a few of my recommended resources. But, I want to know–do you have any questions? Please feel free to comment or email me at andralauren [at] gmail [dot] com. I will keep any questions private. Is this something you struggle with? Or, are you married and do you have some advice about trusting God? I’d love to hear it!
Here are some resources I recommend:
Love and Respect Now — There are a ton of articles that help navigate relationships and life. You will find helpful and practical advice. And unicorns, so prepare yourself. I have already read her parents’ book, Love and Respect, and I found it to be beneficial even though I am not married.
The Five Love Languages — First of all, I enjoy taking personality-type quizzes. At this website, you can do just that! Seriously, though, this book was required reading for the Marriage and Family class I took in college. (I took it as a freshman, so what did I even get out it?) It helps you understand all relationships and how you communicate love. It also helps you understand yourself and how you need to receive love.
The Good Women Project — This site has interesting articles that help me think more deeply. Some of the articles would also be helpful in spurring on conversation. What I like about it the most is that the articles are honest. So often we stay away from honesty because it’s hard to be open and honest. We need honesty.
Also, I’ve found it helpful to read blogs from both single and married women. They don’t have to be specifically writing about relationships. I still find it helpful to be reminded I’m not alone. Reading blogs is a small way to do that. Obviously, this is no substitute for real relationships. Since I’m in the single season of my life, I know it’s really important to seek out a mentor and be intentional about engaging in friendships and relationships where I can grow and learn. When (or if) I’m married, I will still need intentional mentor relationships and friendships, so it is a skill I best be learning now.